Traditionally the groom’s responsibility includes a short and easy list that covers the basics from planning the honeymoon, hiring the band, handling the wedding day transportation and so on. And for the groom, that is where the “Wedding Planning” responsibilities USED to end! However, as many of you are already finding out, that isn’t the end, and we have listed a few things to consider and to keep in mind to make your PRE-WEDDING life a bit easier and HAPPIER. This list may not apply to everyone, but we are sure that it will keep any groom out of the doghouse and more importantly, having these top ten tips a groom must know should keep your fiancé thrilled!
From here on out in the wedding planning process you should know that:
10. A Helpful Groom is A Happy Groom
You SHOULD be happy and more importantly, OFFER to be involved in the planning of your wedding. More times then none your new bride will say; "Thank you honey, but I have it all under control" but knowing you offered and knew what to do will set you far above the bar that is set by those men who never think to ask or don't want to help. Not only should you offer help, but go one step further by drafting up your engagement announcement! (For help go to: http://www.bwedd.com/cebride/cebnewsletter_95.asp) You should also make a list of family, friends and co-workers you would like to invite. Stay organized by starting a spreadsheet with names and addresses of guests. (Facebook, email & phone numbers do not count.) Help also by working out a wedding budget with your fiancé, and offer to call vendors to set up appointments. Taking this positive role in planning the wedding will most likely help your fiancé handle the stress that comes with planning such a big event.
9. Register Together
Yes, we know most of you hate shopping. But you are expected to go with your fiancé to register, and yes this is a big deal and yes it will take hours. What helps is to make a day of it. Plan out where you are going to avoid sales or crowds and then plan to have lunch together and enjoy getting ready to set up this new life together. Keep in mind the gifts are free, so enjoy this! Register for things you would never splurge for yourself and keep an open mind, you can always return it should you decide you will never use that ice cream maker and glow in the dark snack trays. Also, keep in mind that once you have the major stuff down, most stores allow you to add items online. This makes for a much easier process.
If you don't think you need any household items, then register for something you need...YOUR HONEYMOON! this is a great way to get the trip you want and any extra can be rolled into your next trip and even the one after that!
8. Know the "No No's"...
You need to know that you’re not inviting your ex girlfriend to the wedding, and it is not appropriate to even ask. (Ok, Mr. Geller?)
You need to remember that YOUR mother is not in charge of planning the wedding! Make sure you are there to make a great BUFFER for your new bride. She is planning this big event and keep in mind that she is hearing thousands of demands, thoughts and opinions making her nuts. Keep anyone from ruining this wonderful time for your new bride.
And NO, referring to your wife as the future as the "Old Ball & Chain", Cell Mate, Prison Warden, Captor or anything that refers to her as someone who is ruining your life stopping your life or killing you is not funny.
7. Remember Romantic Gestures
We know that this may be one of the last things you want to do, but research dance classes and then suggest to your new bride you both should consider taking a dance lesson or two! She will be thrilled and you will be happy on your wedding day when you are dancing in front of a huge crowd that you managed to not to tear her dress off by stepping on it with your two left feet! Think about what you want to dance to and then tell her that you’re already thinking of what songs will make a great first dance and/or even other songs you think the band or DJ should play.
Plan a surprise for the reception like fireworks, special music, write her a poem and read it to her in front of your guests, a special new gift, surprise her by bringing pictures of a relative that has passed away to the reception, look up love quotes or sonnets and read them to her.
- Write special & endearing notes to your father-in-law and mother-in-law, thanking them for everything they’ve done, especially for creating the most amazing woman in the world.
- Have the Best Man deliver your bride a special gift and breakfast the morning of the wedding.
- Bring her home flowers just because you love her so much and appreciate everything she is doing to make this the best wedding ever!
6. Be Involved
Nobody wants to stuff the invitation envelopes or pick up the favors or return duplicate gifts, but if you offer to do it as a team it will lessen the stress on her and you. You need to make sure someone is planning her bridal shower. DO NOT ASSUME. (You don’t need to be involved, but keep an open ear to make sure someone has taken the lead and planning is underway.) Be sure to offer to help surprise her or take her to the party.
5. Play Nice
You need to understand how stressed your fiancé is with planning this wedding and nicknaming her bridezilla is, although funny and maybe a little true, it is hurtful.
Understand that women are dreaming of their wedding day from when they are little girls, to women, this day needs to be flawless and exactly as she imagines it. Help her to understand in a nice way that nobody will notice that the shade of pink is slightly off on the cake, and that all the butterflies didn't fly away in unison when released, doesn't not matter as much as the rest of your life together. Keep reminding each other to keep your eye on the whole, and that in the end you'll have a great time with each other.
4. Create Your Honeymoon Wishlist Together
In order to pick a honeymoon that is important to both of you, create a list that helps you understand what you both want out of this adventure and trip of a lifetime. Do you want ocean front villas, does TV matter, do you want a butler, your own private plunge pool, do you want nightlife, tours, sightseeing, watersports, golf and anything else you need to know to PICK where you want to visit! The more you know about you both want, the better you will be at choosing a location that will make you both happy. For examples of a wish list, please see our honeymoon wishlist under "Honeymoon Tips".
3. Research Romance
I know you don't need to worry about being romantic anymore...she said YES, but you're wrong. If being romantic does not come to you naturally, then start researching it now! If you think you wont need it on your honeymoon, in your first year of marriage and for the rest of your life, you are dead wrong. Romance is not about money, it is about thoughts and actions. If you take a little bit of time to see what is out there to help you, I think you will be thrilled to find so many useful items that will be so important to creating a lifetime of memories and great moments. Look over the Honeymoons.com "Top Ten Must Have Romance Travel Products". Purchase 1001 Ways to Be Romantic by Gregory J. P. Godek from Amazon.com. This book will set you in the clear for months.
- Light a candle and draw her a bath.
- Leave a note for her inside her purse.
- Make her lunch for the day.
- Fix her coffee and bring it to her in bed.
2. Be Realistic
You should know now that sex on the wedding night is most likely not going to happen, and NO, this is NOT a “preview” to your sex life for the rest of your life. HOWEVER, if you know this going in you can take the pressure off, plan for a late checkout and enjoy a nice late morning with each other. Avoid AM flights, avoid making early plans to meet anyone, ask for a late checkout and just plan on waking up late together if you have that extra time.
1. Plan The BEST Honeymoon Ever
Here is where you have to fight the urge to be cheap. Remember that this is the one time in your life that you're going on a honeymoon, and it should be spectacular. Remember Romance, Relaxation, Adventure, Paradise and Pleasure. Spend some time on Honeymoons.com reading about great locations, great tips, great places and decide where you should go to have the best time ever! As the groom this becomes your task, and we want to remind you to:
- DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Find a travel agent you trust! Make sure your flights all work and all your time lines and reservations are correct! There is nothing worse than planning to romance you new wife on an island, only to realize you arrived to the dock after the only boat left to take you to your hotel...ON THE ISLAND!
- KNOW YOUR DESTINATION. Know where you are going and know what you plan to do when you get there. Nothing is worse than thinking you are going somewhere where all you want to do is lay on the beach, only to find out the beach is too rocky to use. Or plan a trip to sightsee, only to get to your hotel and find out there is nothing to see.
- KNOW WHAT YOU BOTH WANT. Understand before booking what you each expect out of this trip. Don't wait to get there to see what you both want to do!